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Saturday, February 20, 2010

Laurel n Hardy 10

When Laurel n Hardy were kids, they were in school.
Teacher wanted to calm down the students and started a conversation:
Children, if I sell all my properties and give the money on charity, will I go to heaven?
All the students said "No"
Teacher: Children, if I clean the church everyday will I then go to heaven?
Hardy: No Madam
Teacher: Then what should I do to go to heaven?
Laurel: You need to die first!
Teacher:!!!
***********
Laurel: Hardy, why are you looking dejected?
Hardy: Laurel, two years ago I gave a hand loan of two lakh rupees to Chris for a plastic surgery to his face. When I went to his home to ask for a repayment I found that he vacated his home. Now I can't even recognise him even if he crosses my path. What should I do?

Friday, February 19, 2010

Questions n answers 10

Why does the judge hold a hammer in his hand?
To remind the suspects that if they tell lies he can nail them.
***
Why is the lawyer sad?
Because his wife filed a suit in the court and hired another lawyer for defense.
****
Why is the banker giving so much of respect to the customer.
To make sure that the customer repays the unsecured loan.
****
How do you treat a constipation patient who didn't help himself unload for a week?
Call 21212121 - the septic tank cleaning experts

Sunday, January 17, 2010

laurel n hardy 9

Laurel and Hardy went to a liquor bar and had about six pegs when they started talking-
Laurel: I am fearless. I don't fear anyone in the world.
Hardy: is it? By the way why did your wife come here?
Laurel immediatley hid himself under the table: Where....? where is she? Tell her I am not here!
******
Laurel: Hardy, I want to do exercises every morning.
Hardy with a smile: that's so nice. But you have been telling me the same thing for the past sixty years.
******
Laurel and Hardy go to an orchestra -
Hardy: Laurel, shall we go home the drum beats are not rhythmic and I am getting a headache.
Laurel: Hardy, please bear with me. This orchestra is much better than the one my wife organises everyday at home.
Hardy: What is that orchestra at home.
Laurel: She switches on the radio full volume and bangs me as if I were drums.
****
Laurel: Hardy, did the xyz fitness centre reduce your weight with the weight loss program advertised by them?
Hardy: Laurel, they have reduced the weight of my purse instead of me.
Laurel:???
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